Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
