dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
