oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
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Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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