I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
