I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
