i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
