You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
