First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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