literally had 100 drinks last night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
