The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize