Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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