i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
