why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
