I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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