I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
