...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize