so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
bring money and cleavage
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
