Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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