Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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