I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
