he puts the penis in happiness.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
