Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hippo gnu deer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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