My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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