I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
