Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
