i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
