Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
