Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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