How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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