isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
whose parrot is this?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
