Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
