Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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