that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
