hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
