Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
