Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
