it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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