I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I said "one day" and that day is not today