Apparently you make a good broom.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
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she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.