I puked a lego.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.