Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Bring me that man meat
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER