Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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