Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
