pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
