She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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