So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
