I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
