we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
