I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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