i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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