apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
