i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
