living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
