Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
