you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
