matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
