Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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