Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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