He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
