she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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