Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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