I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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