god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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