Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
